Let’s get real!

Today on the show, we’re going to do something different than I had initially planned. My plan was to dive right into the technical facets because I’m such a technique geek and I know you are too! But, as I sat down to write this episode, I realized I needed to first speak about the mind.

The “mindset” facet was slated for episode 8, but it is really more important than that, and I feel that the next episodes will be better-served by talking about this right up front. As excited as I am to dive into technique, the mind is really the first thing to prepare.

Of course, like all facets, the mindset facet is optional. You are welcome to take or leave anything I lay out in this season. But, I truly believe this particular facet is one that will be the most effective way to help all other facets that excite you come to fruition.

I’m going to preface this episode by saying that if you’re here with me on this journey so far, you probably care a lot about ballet. Maybe it feels like your home, your identity, the missing piece of you.

• Maybe you care about it more than you think you should or deserve to.

• Maybe you feel a little silly for caring about something so quote-unquote frivolous or juvenile so much.

• Maybe you have big dreams; dreams bigger than you think you can ever achieve. Your friends, family, local ballet studios, and ballet friends may have varying levels of support (or lack thereof). You might feel alone or isolated in your pursuit of something so niche yet so meaningful.

When we care a lot about something, that passion can sometimes fuel us, but it can sometimes derail us if we let it.

If we care a lot about something, it becomes very high-risk. The possibility of failure has our identity wrapped in it.

The things you don’t care that much about aren’t that stressful. The possibility of something not going well isn’t that big of a deal. But for the things you love, the things you can’t live without, the things that are a part of you, the possibility of trying and failing is sometimes too much to bear.

You might have had thoughts like: If I try and don’t succeed, can I still love ballet? Can I still keep ballet as part of my identity if I am not a good dancer? If I can’t hold my turnout or land my pirouettes, is it still worth it to pursue it? If I have flat feet, can I still keep dancing? Will I ever get any better or should I just remain a part of the audience and love ballet from the sidelines?

If any of these thoughts have ever crossed your mind, this episode is for you. Even if you have yet to even step foot in a ballet studio, but you know that ballet is your calling, maybe by the end of this episode, we’ll plant a seed that can grow into the courage to get started.

Let’s get started

When we are training our bodies, we must also train our minds. In the journey to advancing in ballet, our mind needs to adapt and grow as much as our bodies, if not more.

Here’s the thing, without a positive and powerful mindset, we won’t be able to stick around long enough in our ballet journey to see real progress. Without an open mind, we won’t be able to experiment and try the new things that are needed to change habits and learn new patterns. And without a healthy relationship to our inner critic, we’ll just frustrate and torture ourselves until ballet isn’t fun anymore.

How do I know this? I started ballet in a state of mind that made it difficult for me to hear feedback, apply corrections, and even believe that I could dance. As they say, takes one to know one, and I get it on the deepest possible level. I’m right there with you, a perfectionist at heart. If you’ve thought or felt something negative or discouraging about your body, your potential, your worthiness, or your ballet technique, I probably have too!

But, I want you to be able to use ballet as a vehicle to find freedom and joy, and not get crushed under the weight of finding the perfect 5th position.

Let’s dive into how to have fun working on the details of technique, how to enjoy ballet, and how to keep coming back for long enough to actually make meaningful progress in your dancing.

Ballet is like a road trip. Bring snacks, we’ll be here for a while!

First off, I just want to say that it takes a long time to get good at ballet. There are no shortcuts, and we are in this for a while. Just because it looks easy doesn’t mean it is. Ballet is hard for everyone. To be clear, it’s not impossible. In fact, to the contrary, it’s very possible for any person to learn. Possible, not easy. Hard, but not impossible.

If you hear the word “hard” and cringe, let’s just start off with a quick confidence booster. You already do a lot of things that are hard! And you make them look easy. It takes a long time to get good at your native language (how many years does it take before a child has a mastery of English? I couldn’t say my “r”s for years. I broke my right arm when I was 5, and my dad still loves to tease me about how I used to say I ‘bwoke my wight ohm’ but now, I can say those ‘r’s flawlessly without even a thought.)

It takes a long time to get good at walking (how many years before a child walks as confidently as an adult?).

It takes a long time to get good at raising kids, your career, communicating with your spouse or family, typing/texting, driving, tying your shoes and doing your hair.

So if you dream of a high level in ballet, whether that’s artistry, pirouettes, high legs, flexibility, pointework, gracefulness, and coordination, we’ll be here for a while. Mind you, I didn’t say we won’t get there.

But, the great news is that’s ok, because adult life is long and we’re not really in a rush, right? I mean, we always want to be better, faster, stronger and all that, but there’s no deadline by which we must be “done” with ballet in order to get a professional contract or something. We have our whole life to allow our ballet journey to unfold.

If we’re going to be here a while, we need some tools to stick around for that “while”. Let’s approach this with the same patience you would on a road trip. It’ll take a while to get there. Even if you drive a little faster than everyone else and take all the toll roads, it’s still a long time. You might get lost, you’ll probably have to stop and rest, so bring snacks, something fun to listen to, and enjoy the scenery.

We’ll be here for a while, but that doesn’t mean we won’t get there. And besides, just being “there” isn’t the point, or else you’d have just taken a plane ;)

Motivation, Perfectionism & Your Inner Critic

At first glance, it might seem like we need the motivation to stay long enough to see progress. Motivation is funny. Some things we need it for, and others we don’t. But why?

Sometimes I receive this question - “I love ballet so much but I can never seem to find the motivation to go to class. I’m so frustrated that I want to go to class but can’t seem to motivate myself to do it.”

Do you need the motivation to eat your favorite dessert? Pet your dogs? Go on a tropical vacation? Watch tv? Or whatever it is you love?

So then why do we need motivation for ballet if we love it so much? Let’s explore.

I think a lack of motivation is more to do with your inner critic. That. Little. Voice.

We all have it. You know the one 😈

It takes a different shape for each of us, but it’s there, nagging, complaining, moaning and groaning.

Mine likes to remind me that I’m incapable. Inadequate. Unable to achieve my goals. Undeserving of success. Not good enough. Should just give up now. No point in even trying.

I know this voice well. We’ve been together as long as I can remember. We live together in this body. (Somehow, with me doing all the work and that little voice just tagging along to bring me down. What the heck is that about? 🤪.... but I digress)

Any of this sounding familiar? What does your voice say?

Especially listen to what you say to yourself during and after class. How do you make yourself feel?

• Do you berate yourself for not being better at ballet?

• When you forget a combination or notice that your legs didn’t stay turned out, do you beat yourself up and wonder why you’re so stupid or incompetent?

• Do you dwell on the mistakes you make and the inadequacies in your technique and see them as a sign that you’ll never improve?

• Do you feel like even though you just spent an hour in class, it should have been 3 hours and that you’re never going to get anywhere at this rate?

• Do you wonder if your feet and hips can even improve enough to make a difference?

• <p